Christopher Columbus: The Man Behind the Myth

Actually I don’t really know a whole lot about Columbus, or any myths, so that part of the post will be short.  I know I loved him as a K-12 student because it meant we got a free day.  Now I’m an adult and I’d much rather have access to my mail and my money.  What if I want a roll of Sacagawea dollars or a cashier’s check today?  Who’s going to bring me my bills and credit card offers?

Christopher Columbus isn’t.  He probably couldn’t find my house with a Garmin and a police escort.

I think Columbus Day should be repurposed into a series of reenactments, like Word War II Days or something.  There’ll be a parade of slaves and at the end a maniac wearing a silly hat can pretend kill them all.  The slaves will be chained together, so running won’t work out so well.  The parade-goers can have cotton candy and hot dogs.  It’ll be fun.

Afterwards, the main Columbus re-enactor can go through the crowds and steal wallets while various other groups picket about having discovered the Americas first.

Every parade needs music, so for the lovers:

And the haters:

He can’t have been that bad…  Maybe we should check in and get some other opinions?

So what is the day good for, anyway?  There has to be some reason to celebrate!

Aha!  Enjoy.

What do you think we should celebrate today instead of mean Chris and his leaky, worm-infested ships?


  1. Kato said,

    October 10, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Well, it is Ben Vereen’s Birthday today and who doesn’t love Ben Vereen?

  2. Kato said,

    October 10, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Neil Patrick Harris loves Ben Vereen, and that’s enough for me…

    • October 10, 2011 at 9:14 am

      I love Neil Patrick Harris! One of the comments on the video said we should refer t him as “The Award-Winning Neil Patrick Harris” so please update your rolodex.

  3. duncanr said,

    October 10, 2011 at 2:36 pm 😆

    • October 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm

      Oh, that’s spectacular! Thank you for capturing my thoughts exactly, and with 5 quick pictures. I’m lazy. I like pictures. (5 Ways To Accurately Celebrate Columbus Day)

      I love the people discovering stuff that already has owners. LOL

  4. Melvin Fought (your dad) said,

    October 10, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Whats to celebrate. My new behemoth (sp?) of a garbage can is still sitting out in the hot sun. I can imagine the smell. Maybe I can trick your mother to bring it in. I doubt it though, she’s the smart one in this company. Your Dad

    • October 10, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      Or you can just back the car out really fast and hit it, pretend you didn’t see it, and drive away. While you’re gone whooping it up at the grocery store, maybe someone else will take care of it?

      Call Josh?

    • October 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

      I love that you reminded me twice that you’re my dad. LOL (your daughter)

  5. hansston said,

    October 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    Just wrote an essay on Columbus and preached it. Used the dates of August 2nd, 1492 and the expulsion of the Jews from Spain and August 3rd Columbus’ departure.

  6. John Cahoon said,

    October 10, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    For those of us who do not get the day off, it’s yet another Monday.

    With that being said, the lighter traffic is more valuable than all of Spain.

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