I Will Never Learn

No joke, I don’t even know what to say about today.

E started in about the Halloween decorations before I was even out of bed.  I told him I needed to wake up first and clear out the cobwebs.  Before I was even to the bottom step downstairs he was already asking “Are you awake yet?”

I had to explain that I wanted to get the house cleaned first, then we could continue decorating.  Then he was all about cleaning.  It was enjoyable to finally be on the same team with this kid.  Too bad it only lasted 8 seconds, kind of like a bull ride.

N had a ton of homework to finish today, plus Shakespeare at noon.  I’d stop and try to help him figure out a game plan and priority list, then E would interrupt with questions regarding my commitment to cleaning, ergo my commitment to his Halloween decorating.

N’s laptop is dying.  He realized our IT issues were not resolved from last week…at 11:47am, just in time for a meltdown before noon’s class because his computer crashed again.

E’s laptop (a loaner) didn’t have the drivers installed for the camera/microphone to work.  Headmistress Guinevere would kick his butt if he showed up without his microphone, expecting to type his comments.  🙂  Mom won’t share her 17″ MacBook Pro.  Don’t even ask.

E worked on personal pursuits for awhile, having completely given up on me.  He did some mathy stuff and reading until lunch.  Then…

They watched “Man vs. Wild” during lunch.  I can’t believe some of what Bear Grylls does on that show.  Today, while they ate their grilled ham & cheese, he killed a reindeer and put his lips right on it and drank the blood spurting from the reindeer’s neck.

N: “It’s amazing how everything he eats he says is chock full of protein.”


Once Bear ate apple chunks out of humongous mammal feces.  Was that chock full of protein too?  I think not. That was chock full of his wife never kissing him on the lips again, more like.

More flack from E, predictably, came after lunch.  He’s definitely an ideas man, but he’d also be a great project manager or maybe the dictator of a small country.

He isn’t a power-hungry madman…he just has clear visions of how his ideas should be implemented.  Specific.  Intricate.  Stressful.

Later, N self-diagnosed himself with ADHD.  Instead of talking to us about his worries, he’s been doing internet research to figure out what’s going on.  (There’s a lot more to this, but I’m still not sure what level of sharing I’ll do for actual kid issues on my blog.)

The bad news is he also has Rickets, Scurvy, Fregoli Delusion, Stendhal Syndrome and a prolapsed colon.  Alien Hand Syndrome turned out to be an actual alien hand, so we’re cool.

We ended the day with a super fun trip with Cub Scouts to the Aurora Regional Fire Museum, including a tour of the adjacent firehouse, with E and his fellow Tigers.

Scratch that.  We ended the day at Walgreens in the Halloween aisle.  I will never learn.


  1. Amy said,

    October 14, 2011 at 6:29 am

    Thank you Kim for the laugh! I love reading your blog!


  2. SkiMama said,

    October 14, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Correction: “with E and his fellow Tigers *and the gnome.*” Must not forget the gnome. I think we could have toured with just the gnome and had a blast. Of course, I think the firefighters would have thought we were crazier than they probably already do. 🙂

  3. October 14, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Well then I think we should schedule a tour in Plainfield with the gnome and test whether the firefighters think we’re crazy. Field research and all that. 🙂

    It was really fun! I want to post pics, but all of mine have other people’s kids. Darn kids.

  4. Shaun said,

    October 14, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Fregoli Delusion — I don’t know what that is but it sounds kind of festive. I’d want it too.

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