My Future Daughter-in-Law Might Be A Cheeseburger


After sleeping through the opera and later missing MRU as well, the boys and I decided to salvage the day by getting Halloween costumes figured out.  I wish I could be one of those moms that whips something together and the kids look cute/clever/scary/funny/etc.

More Like Bologna

They’d just look and feel sad if I did though, so off to Halloween City we went to shop the spoon-fed, previously imagined, mass produced, cute/clever/scary/funny/etc. polyester looks.

First we needed sustenance.  We wound up at Baker’s Square so E could stalk spend some quality time with his girlfriend, Barbie.

We ordered our drinks and E asked me if I thought Barbie remembered him.  He was nervous.  I broke it to him gently and explained that she sees a lot of people and we hadn’t been back in six months…she might not remember.

When she returned to our table, E told her he hadn’t been there in a long time…since he was four or five, but now he was six!  I told her that she made a big impression on E and that he mentions her a lot.  She previously complimented him on his purple boots and made his whole year…

Barbie remembered!

“I remember!” she said.  “That was a long time ago!  Last winter?”

All was right with the world.  We proceeded with our meal.

N, having ordered The Works Burger, or whatever it was called, was having a moment. “I’m in love!” he said.

I actually wrote this down in my little “I don’t have anything to blog about so I’ll write down what my kids say, really fast during red lights, in this little notebook” notebook.  It also comes in handy in restaurants.

N: “When I first took a bite out of this burger, I knew I was in love.  Barbie said it’s a really good burger, but now I know that’s the biggest understatement of my life!”  He went on to exclaim, “Who knew a heart attack on a bun could be so delicious?”

E was also having an enjoyable meal.  He is the type of kid who loves to constantly reinvent the wheel.  I can’t count high enough to say how many different things he has frozen in the freezer, mushed together in the sink, or otherwise experimented on to see if the 46th time would turn out the same as the 19th.

Chicken can easily be the change E wants to see in the world, no offense to Ghandi.

E: “I love this food!  I actually tried taking off the deep-fried part of the chicken.”

Is the deep-fried anywhere near the breast, or is that a thigh piece?

“The chicken was good, but not as good as deep-fried,” he explained.  “It’s like buffalo chicken, but the buffalo chicken skinned and without spiciness.”

Huh?  I believe that’s just called chicken.

A bit later E wanted to know more about N’s burger.  With all the moans of ecstasy, it was starting to get embarrassing.  N spoke charismatically about the two strips of bacon, the cheese, the onions, the sauteed mushrooms…

Sauteed mushrooms?  As far as E was concerned, it may as well have been dog feces.

E:  “Is that insanely good?”

N: “You have no idea!”

No one cared about my scrambled eggs.

It was getting to be time to overspend on crappy polyester at the costume place, so I asked E if he was going to pay for dinner…

“What?!”  I don’t know if it was shock or outrage, but E made it decisively clear who was going to pay.

“I didn’t bring my money satchel (manbag), and besides, I’m not really a paying kind of person.  I kind of like to keep my money.”

I hope Barbie heard that.  She needs to know these things up front.  She’s probably 25 years his senior, so good thing that by the time they get married, they can live off her Social Security.

N is easier.  He’s going to marry a cheeseburger.

E wasn’t done.  “Well, I payed once…but come to think of it, that was your money I used.”

We wrapped it up at Baker’s Square and took our show on the road.

N:  “Is Halloween City fully stocked?  Last year they only had a fraction of the merchandise they should have had.”

Ay-yi-yi

Last year the store wasn’t even open and the employees let us in to look around while they set up the store.

Will these two ever relax?  It’s tiring being around them sometimes!

The kids are already planning their next trip to the Square and have determined that you-know-who will be working.  Can’t wait.  🙂

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