Today I’m glum, stressed, sleepy and defeated.
It’s been a stressful week and I’m kind of burnt on all the drama. Everything seems to be such a struggle for us, though I don’t usually post about that stuff. It’s what I spend the bulk of my time pondering, regardless.
I feel like Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Chuck Norris jokes are fun and all, but we actually spend a fair amount of our time locked in chaos and struggle. When we’re not battling personal issues, we’re battling each other’s personal issues. It seems like when we’re calm and happy, we’re sleeping. Or locked inside the happy places in our minds. Some of us don’t even sleep very well.
Obviously my mood colors my current assessment. We do have great times, and lots of them. It just gets very tiring to have a constant level of high intensity. It’s almost like we all have one paw in a bear trap and we’re teetering on the brink of chewing off that tortured paw.
I often see other families having all kinds of bliss and happiness. They skip through fields of wildflowers and beam at each other with joy and love. I wonder what they are doing that we’re not. Why can’t we skip through fields of wildflowers too? Oh yeah. I remember. Sun, pollen, fresh air, bugs, dirt, no internet.
Then I look around at our scowly bunch and feel desperately dyspeptic.
I am dyspeptic. It is a feeling that lives in my spleen.
Jeff and I are currently trying to figure out what we can do to ease the pain a little, but we’re still in the talking phase. His assessment is that we’re four special needs people strong in the household, and none of us are currently getting our needs met. He’s usually the calm voice of reason, so wise and practical. I think he’s on the mark.
This sign is also right on the mark. Don't look up.
I think some of that comes from his being able to go and play with adults during the day, and his ability to do something where people value his input and give him positive feedback in the form of a paycheck.
Positive Feedback is Nice.
There I go again. I’m 100% sure he’d prefer not to work 12 or 14 hour days, or hear about his 9 year old’s request for dad to wake him when he gets home from work just so he could say hello.
If I’m honest, Jeff probably has more material to fuel his pity party but he’s too well-adjusted to wear it on his sleeve. I think that really proves out that everyone has something they’re struggling with, to varying degrees, but not everyone wears a sign around their neck to advertise their difficulties.
Sign are good. They provide helpful information.
I really think people should wear signs around their necks.
"Vocal Rest... Have a Nice Day" Also means "F.U. Leave Me Alone! I'm Being Dyspeptic!!"
Maybe wear some flair buttons, or something, too. I could use some perspective sometimes.
Signs can also protect those at risk.
Signs can be oddly perverted.
Some signs are designed to punish you for living.
Delicious Minutiae 
LakeMom said,
October 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm
“I think some of that comes from his being able to go and play with adults during the day, and his ability to do something where people value his input and give him positive feedback in the form of a paycheck.”
I often ask my husband how he would feel if he’d worked all day and then a co-worker walked into his cubicle and, within minutes, undid everything he had just done. Of course, even this analogy is not completely accurate as, as you have mentioned, the one who goes to work still gets paid. So, even if their work is thwarted or destroyed, they still get that positive feedback in the form of a paycheck.
Me? I get my 7 year old screaming at me that I am a terrible mother while I am washing her feet in the shower because she is convinced she will slip and hit her head should she try it herself.
I’m just sayin’.
Kim B. (DeliciousMinutiae) said,
October 28, 2011 at 2:52 pm
I think I would want to hurt the co-worker, then I’d remember I’m still getting that paycheck…up to the point that I avenge my ruined work.
You don’t get a paycheck for being accused of being a horrible mother. Neither do I. That stinks.
We also don’t get to leave work at work either, which makes it a little more complicated.
Your 7 y-o must have really dirty feet if she has to wait for assistance all the time. LOL
Sarah ziegler said,
October 28, 2011 at 2:29 pm
You are not the only one…. thanks for being honest…
Kim B. (DeliciousMinutiae) said,
October 28, 2011 at 2:57 pm
I had lots more honesty, Sarah, but I edited myself down quite a lot. 🙂 I know we’re not alone, it just really feels like it sometimes.
I just posted another blog post… I feel a little less hopeless. A lunchtime conversation mellowed me out and gave me some important outside perspective. And guidance. 🙂
I still think people need to wear signs around their necks though.
sarah ziegler said,
October 29, 2011 at 12:10 am
Ah, glad you are feeling a bit better. I think it feels like we are alone because often people don’t talk about when they are feeling icky. So, we get the idea that everyone else is happy in that field of wildflowers or however. I could use some more time with people lately, not sure if you would want to hang out, but if so, let me know.
Kim B. (DeliciousMinutiae) said,
October 29, 2011 at 10:15 am
I would love that! I saw a post on FB a couple of days ago about what you’re planning to do tomorrow (Sunday) and we decided to do that too. I hoped we’d run into you, but e-mail me where you plan to be and we can meet up all official-like. 🙂
If that doesn’t work, Thursday would be cool too. LMK!
sarah ziegler said,
October 29, 2011 at 10:38 pm
Ah, great, sounds good, we are going to be there around 11. I’ll email my cell number.
Christine R. said,
October 28, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Thank you for being so honest. As Sarah said, you are not the only one who feels this way.
And about what you said regarding other families, don’t judge a book by its cover.
“I often see other families having all kinds of bliss and happiness. They skip through fields of wildflowers and beam at each other with joy and love. I wonder what they are doing that we’re not. Why can’t we skip through fields of wildflowers too? Oh yeah. I remember. Sun, pollen, fresh air, bugs, dirt, no internet.”
Many people are pretending and you never know what’s going on behind closed doors unless people are being honest. I think our family used to look like that to others and then my husband and I got divorced. Everything we pretended or were in denial about to ourselves came crashing down. We really weren’t as happy as we looked. Now, I am much happier than I was and trying to make sure I stay honest, open, and authentic (still takes practice).
Kim B. (DeliciousMinutiae) said,
October 29, 2011 at 11:59 am
Thanks Christine!
It’s true that a person never knows what’s going on behind closed doors… I usually am better at living the “Don’t judge a book by its cover” thing, but lately I’ve been needing more “What you see is what you get.”
I’m glad you’re much happier now. 🙂 Honest, open, and authentic are good things. It sounds like you have a really strong support network with your friends. That’s excellent too.
I really need to work on not taking things personally and expressing myself a little better with “I” statements. Our conflict resolution skills have gone down the toilet… Jeff often comes home with his relationship mediator hat on, then, when he gets us sorted out, he can move on to dad / husband.
Kato said,
November 1, 2011 at 8:14 pm
I went back to work a few years ago to help pay for a piano for the kids. I had been out of the business world for a while, but what struck me was the instant gratification. People WANTED to know my opinion and what I had to say. At home, my role was support and it is not appreciated or noticed unless you are failing. That said, work can be demanding and stressful and all that, but not nearly as much as raising kids. I’m emotionally invested in the latter…