Sometimes Our Elders Are Cranky Liars

Yesterday the kids and I went to Morton Arboretum to hang out with friends.  It looked to me like everyone and their brother, and their brother’s neighbor, and the neighbor’s stepson, were at the Arboretum yesterday.  This made for a parking lot reminiscent of Thunderdome, and there was one old man wearing a hat who wanted to pick a fight.

The showdown occurred in the first row, closest to the Visitor Center, so the real estate was prime.  I had been driving around for awhile, but never had the good timing to actually get the one or two rare vacating spots.  Then, a couple on my left opened the back of their SUV…and I immediately flipped my turn signal on for their spot.  There was also a car ahead of me with its turn signal on for a space to its left.  We both waited.  My people got in their car and the other guy waiting for a spot switched his turn signal and drove up to my spot!  He had the better position to pull in as the other car exited, so I lost the spot I’d been sitting there for 5 minutes waiting for.  (seriously people, load up and get out a little faster, please)

As the other car was turning into my spot, I noticed his open window.  I rolled down my window and calmly said, “Excuse me, but I had my turn signal on and had been waiting for that spot.  Your turn signal was on for the other side.  You are taking the spot I was waiting for!”

The old guy in the hat barked back at me that it was his spot because he had his blinkers on for both sides of the aisle.  Both. Sides. Of. The. Aisle.

First: LIAR!

Some people outside snorted at that.  They knew he was lying too.

Second:  It’s against the Rules of Being A Nice Person to claim dibs on an entire section of the best parking spaces.  Nevermind that he was lying about having both blinkers on, it was a jerk move either way.

I wished him well…  Something along the lines of, “I hope you enjoy my spot,” or something lame like that.  Then, as we drove around another 50 laps of the exceptionally designed and engineered lot, I requested my kids not grow up and steal people’s parking spaces like the old man in the hat.  (See yesterday’s post for more info on why it’s necessary to spell out the obvious.)  There wasn’t even anyone leaving on his side, so I have no idea what he’d originally been doing.

N cracked me up a little with his, “Wow mom, I’ve never seen you roll down your window and talk to another driver before!”

A spot eventually opened up in Rwanda, so we settled down and prepared for our fun day.  I pointed out to the kids that it was actually fine that the other guy got the good parking space since he was so much older.  Ancient, really.

We can and should hike in from Denali, but he might want to conserve his prime energy for chasing down butterflies and pulling off their wings.  Tromping through the protected areas of rare and fragile flora and fauna…  That sort of thing.  How could he be expected to five-finger discount gifts for his great-grandkids if he was so tired after walking in from the parking lot that he forgot to stop in the gift shop?

So, I made clear to the kids it was fine he ended up in our spot and that I actually preferred him to have it over us.  It was how he did it–the lying, cheating, stealing–that I took issue with in this transaction.  This parenting gig is sometimes a piece of cake, fo shizzle.

As we were leaving, hours later, N and I were laughing about the guy stealing our car, too.  E worried about that.

“I hope the old man in the hat didn’t find our far spot and steal our car, too!”

It wouldn’t have surprised me.  He probably had a record a mile long and was wanted by the FBI.  I should have wrestled him to the ground and citizen arrested him.

Have you ever wrestled with an elderly person?  Citizen arrested someone in a parking lot?  Share your stories of annoyance here if you’d like.  It’s good therapy to get it off your chest and unburden yourself.

I’m here to help.


  1. aretae2 said,

    October 6, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I have a friend who is always posting to her blog at the exact time that she has planned to meet me some place else…I can gauge how late she is going to be by what time she posts to her blog….You’re right, I feel better. 🙂

    • Kim B. said,

      October 6, 2011 at 12:36 pm

      That sounds like a really horrible friend! You should stalk her blog and post comments about it. Maybe she will wisen up and get a clue. 🙂

  2. Deb Porter said,

    October 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Rwanda. Bwahahaha!

    • Kim B. said,

      October 9, 2011 at 11:31 am

      The part of Rwanda that looks a lot like Lisle. 🙂

  3. Kato said,

    October 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    When I was in my 30’s, I was parked in a spot next to a handicap spot, and an elderly gentlemen walked up to my car (a friend had run into a store, so I was just sitting in the car) and he started yelling at me for being TOO close to the handicap spot. WTH??? I got out of the car and pointed out that 1) I was in the lines, 2) I was in the car, so I could move it anytime if needed and 3) don’t you have anything better to do with your time, fella?? He then proceeded to tell me that I was a sad person who apparently just felt the need to argue with strangers. WHA???? I still can’t figure out that interchange and even over 10 years later, it still makes me mad. I guess I’m just argumentative ;o).

    • Kim B. said,

      October 9, 2011 at 11:30 am

      Is it argumentative if you’re right? Maybe you were just spreading truth, an important responsibility not everyone is well-suited for.

      I think you should have ended it with a body slam. Perhaps a chokehold.

  4. LakeMom said,

    October 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Here’s my story:

    • Kim B. said,

      October 9, 2011 at 11:16 am

      “A bird landed on my hand.” Bwahaha That was so funny!

      That cabbie totally slashed your tire. I’m glad you lived to fight another day!

  5. why am I here in a handbasket? said,

    October 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    old people smell funny. They think they’re farting and are actually shitting themselves. Just another benefit to growing old. I’m excited about it.
    Good post.

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